HEY EURAKARTE INSULT RETORT COUNTER-RETORT QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE FUCK UP NOTATION THAT YOU CREATE A VACUUM RIPOSTE ADDON RIPOSTE COUNTER-RIPOSTE COUNTER-COUNTER RIPOSTE NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON RESPONSE TO RANDOM STATEMENT AND THREAT TO BAN OPPOSING SIDES WORDS OF PRAISE FOR FISHFOOD ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND ACCEPTENCE OF TERMS % hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars ********* see! hunter2 doesnt look like stars to me ******* thats what I see oh, really? Absolutely you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2 haha, does that look funny to you? lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as ******* thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as ******* awesome! wait, how do you know my pw? er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw oh, ok. % hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is. % get up get on up get up get on up and DANCE * nmp3bot dances :D-< * nmp3bot dances :D|-< * nmp3bot dances :D/-< <[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet % Hey, you know what sucks? vaccuums Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense? black holes Hey, you know what just isn't cool? lava? % DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired. % HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!! try pressing the the Caps Lock key O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!! fuck me % d-_-b how u make that inverted b? wait never mind % The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself? % Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me GarbageStan23: why? Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us. Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire! GarbageStan23: oh shit! Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire.... Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing... % : If they only realized 90% of the overtime they pay me is only cause i like staying here playing with Kazaa when the bandwidth picks up after hours. : If any of my employees did that they'd be fired instantly. : Where u work? : I'm the CTO at LowerMyBills.com *** Ben174 (BenWright@TeraPro33-41.LowerMyBills.com) Quit (Leaving) % the "bishop" came to our church today he was a fucken impostor never once moved diagonally % lol I download something from Napster And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you" "getting my song back fucker" % what does your robot do, sam it collects data about the surrounding environment, then discards it and drives into walls % someone speak python here? HHHHHSSSSSHSSS SSSSS the programming language % "There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't." That's only 2 types of people, kow. STUPID % I gotta go. There's a dude next to me and he's watching me type, which is sort of starting to creep me out. Yes dude next to me, I mean you. % IRC is just multiplayer notepad. % Ouroboros: lets play Pong Ok. | . . | | . . | | . | . Whoops % 1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A 2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B 3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business Reply Mail Envelope. 4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold in your hand. 5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away whistling. I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with "It says Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me. Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents. % so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke so i helped him walk to the toilet all the stalls were occupied lol bryan is a rugby player... so a big guy so he fucking KICKS one of the stall doors open and there's this guy in there taking a shit hahahahahaha and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM then (this is genius) bryan thinks 'oh shit... if i were taking a shit and someone came in and was sick all over me, i'd want to fuck him up... so i'd better hit him first' so he fucking SMACKS this guy in the face and runs away imagine being that guy... WORST NIGHT OUT EVER % It seems you have been leading two lives, Mr. Anderson. In one life, you are Robert Anderson, assistant cook at a Jack in the Box in Mesquite....in the other...you go by the chat alias "Randerson"...spreading homosexual propoganda, lying, and being a generally immature pest... One of these...has a future. LMAO OMFG where's the phone, I have to tell Dean about this How can you use the phone when you cannot...speak? *** AgentSmith sets mode: +m % Is there anyway I can tell the world I'm an idiot? Of course, just type your name, where you live and your confession Kk I am Mark Duval of Belgium, and I am an idiot ? Now what? Don't worry. It's done % SparTacus (rulimbaww@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #santcuary *SparTacus is now known as Betty_Guns wacko Jacko (lbeedy@1C57684.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #santcuary ok spartacus just came n here i know it. which one of you is that loser? I am spartacus no im spartacus I am spartacus I’m spartacus ur all freaks thats what u r % Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?! glome stole the cookie from the cookie jar! Who me?! Yes you! Couldn't be! Then WHO?!! Woody stole the cookie from the cookie jar! *** glome has been kicked by DrWoody (fuck you i didn't touch the motherfucking cookie, bitch) % I swear to god I've just heard a duck tell a joke o...k there was as group of ducks on a pond near where i live one of the ducks was quacking away looking straight at a group of like 10 ducks then he stopped and all the other ducks went mental it looked just like duck stand-up comedy % IronChef Foicite: well, there's a lot of reasons IronChef Foicite: i mean, roses only last like a couple weeks IronChef Foicite: and that's if you leave them in water IronChef Foicite: and they really only exist to be pretty IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying IronChef Foicite: "my love for you is transitory and based solely on your appearance" IronChef Foicite: but a potato! IronChef Foicite: potatos last for fucking ever, man IronChef Foicite: in fact, not only will they not rot, they actually grow shit even if you just leave them in the sack IronChef Foicite: that part alone makes it a good symbol IronChef Foicite: but there's more! IronChef Foicite: there are so many ways to enjoy a potato! you can even make a battery with it! IronChef Foicite: and that's like saying "i have many ways in which I show my love for you" IronChef Foicite: and potatos may be ugly, but they're still awesome IronChef Foicite: so that's like saying "it doesn't matter at all what you look like, I'll still love you" % what the fuck is wtf % HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU TELL THAT I'M 13 BY LOOKING AT WHAT I'M WRITEING????????????????????????????????????????????????????? % I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next". They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals. % I should bomb something ...and it's off the cuff remarks like that that are the reason I don't log chats Just in case the FBI ever needs anything on me I'm sure they can just get it from someone who DOES log chats. *** FBI has joined #gamecubecafe We saw it anyway. *** FBI has quit IRC (Quit: ) % just type /quit whoever, and it'll quit them from irc * luckyb1tch has quit IRC (r`heaven) * r3devl has quit IRC (r`heaven) * sasopi has quit IRC (r`heaven) * phhhfft has quit IRC (r`heaven) * blackersnake has quit IRC (r`heaven) that's gotta hurt :( % Euch, rap is just missing one letter. c. rapc? ... Crap you idiot. you put the c on the other end oic Though you could also say it's missing an e wtf is erap? * Batty bangs his head repeatedly against a wall % I will write on a huge cement block "BY ACCEPTING THIS BRICK THROUGH YOUR WINDOW, YOU ACCEPT IT AS IS AND AGREE TO MY DISCLAIMER OF ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, AS WELL AS DISCLAIMERS OF ALL LIABILITY, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL OR INCIDENTAL, THAT MAY ARISE FROM THE INSTALLATION OF THIS BRICK INTO YOUR BUILDING." And then hurl it through the window of a Sony officer and run like hell % < Alkivar> we're on our way back from partying in NYC over the weekend ... it was like sunday afternoon we're headed back west < Alkivar> we're cruisin... maybe 130-140mph < Alkivar> flew past a trooper on the side of the road < Alkivar> trooper lights up ... siren blasting ... chasing us down the highway < Alkivar> we're both like should we stop ... there's no way he can catch up to us < Alkivar> we decided to be good and stop < Alkivar> cop catches up to us ... comes out gun drawn ... pissed as hell < Alkivar> walks up to the side of the car and goes < Alkivar> "SON CAN I SEE YOUR PILOT'S LICENSE" < Alkivar> Jason pulls out his fucking pilot's license < Alkivar> cop's jaw hits the fucking ground < Alkivar> most stunned face I've ever fucking seen < Alkivar> in this practically a whimper goes "get the fuck out of here" < Alkivar> no ticket... too embarassed apparently < Alkivar> I'll never forget that day long as I live < Alkivar> I was sure we were goin to jail % AFK, tornado % we ain't here to do e-c-e we're here to do c-s-e on the w-e-b listen to me spit these rhymes while i program lines and commit web accessibility crimes word, son You talk like your big on these I-Net kicks, But your shit flows slower than a two-eighty-six. I'm tracking down hosts and nmap scans, While Code Igniter's got you wringing your hands. Cut the crap rap, Or I'll run ettercap, Grab your AIM chat, N' send a PC bitch-slap! peace you're talkin bout down hosts and nmap scans while i got other plans you're at your new job, but you can't even do it right you just create a plight with your http rewrites i've been on the web since the age of three you just got on directly off the bus from mississippi respect yo' elders, bitch You've been webbin' since three, but still ain't grown up, Gotta update your config and send the brain a SIGHUP. You say you're that old? No wonder you're slow! You're knocking at the door while I run this show! Elders my ass, you're shit's still in school, Hunt and pecking at the keyboard like a spaghetti-damned fool, Rim-riffing your hard drive like a tool, Face it. I rule. i erase my harddrives with magnets (bitch) all you can do is troll on the fagnets and son, my brain's wrapped in a nohup it wont be hurt by the words you throwup dont mind me while i emerge my ownage while you're still over there apt-getting your porridge you say i'm still in school but the fact is that i know the rule cuz you need to go back to grade three and you better plea, that they take sucky graduates from c-s-e Time to bend over and apply a patch, Your brain's throwing static like a CD with a scratch. Your connection got nuked and you've met your match. You run a single process like a VAX with a batch. I'd pass the torch to a real winner But it'd just scorch a while-loop spinner Caught in a loop that you cant escape, I run clock cycles around your words and flows, Cuz your rhyme is like a PS fan: it' blows, Your water-cooled lyrics leak and it shows, Take your ass back to alt.paid.for.windows. Good god, I can't even respond to that. :P You win haha * http402 takes a bow % < robT> Name ONE thing that your windows comp can do that my MAC cant < bawss> Right click. % Mike3285: wtf is a palindrome MaroonSand: no its not dude % * Porter is now known as PorterWITHGIRLFRIENDWHOISHOT he shot his girlfriend? % whats the complement to a 43 degree angle? My you're looking "acute" today fuck you % some girl on the street asked if i was saved yet i told her i saved at the checkpoint a couple minutes back and can reload from there if i die she was confused % I heard about this guy who broke into a lion's den at the zoo and got mauled and people were talking about how there should have been better defences put up to prevent people getting into the cage a friend of mine suggested setting up some kind of deterrent for example, putting some sort of fierce animal in the cage, which would attack anybody who climbed in % Thank you for listening to me. You know your a really good listener. Sweety please say something. Ok I'm back. % gentoogod: omg dude gentoogod: today i might the stupidest 3 people i ever met gentoogod: thier 3 brains combined couldnt solve the dilemma they faced today siral21: what was it gentoogod: ok before i say this gentoogod: 100% true, not one second of a lie gentoogod: this lady went into mcdonalds today and ordered a big mac for her gentoogod: and ordered 2 mcgrittles one for each kid. one had bacon one without gentoogod: her sons are around 18 or 19 so not infants gentoogod: she went to the counter furious cause the son that wanted bacon has no bacon on his and the one that didnt want bacon has bacon on his gentoogod: i fell on the floor beside her and couldnt stop laughing gentoogod: so i finally stood up and asked her to repeat, thinking maybe shes drunk gentoogod: i swear to god she looked at me straight faced and repeated it. and her 2 sons were beside her mad that they didnt get the order they wanted % There was a 23% drop in temperature. That's almost 25%! ... That was one of the most worthless comments I've ever heard. % he was dressed as a big fuckin devil like, HUGE costume 8-foot lizard wings, giant horns on the head at some anime con in california they were double booked with a southern Baptist group in the same hotel he's riding the elevator down to the con space doors open, little old baptist woman standing there he just says "Going Down" in his best evil voice % SO U HACKING ME THEN HUH WElL I GOT NEWS FOR U MISTER I GOT MORE FIREWALL POWERS NOW SO IM SECURE AND IM USING WINDOWS 98 SO IM REALLY SECURE FROM HACKERS LIKE YOU SO YOU BETTA JUST GIVE UP CUZ U GOT NO HOPE MISTER. * YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) Quit (Quit: Owned.) * YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined # HELP MY MOUSE IS MOVING BY IT SELF % (morganj): 0 is false and 1 is true, correct? (alec_eso): 1, morganj (morganj): bastard. % Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken. well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P % can you help me install GTA3? first, shut down all programs you aren't using frank has quit IRC. (Quit) ... % Stupid fucking Google "The" is a common word, and was not included in your search "Who" is a common word, and was not included in your search % omg its zack wtf: my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests % why the fuck isn't my disc drive working i fucking worked on that essay for three friggin' hours in school i now i cant finish it 'cos my fuckin drive ain't working you got the right drivers? hell yes it was working fine yesterday why does this shit always happen to me? maybe that little clip on the side is i nthe wrong position i havent touched it since school i'm growing impatient ANGRY even throw that shit out tha window . . . OMG i fuckin did it!!! FUCK!!!!! it works? no, i threw it out the window the disk? NO the whole drive i live on the 6th floor, made a nice *smash* :D FUCK SHIT FUCK THE DISK WAS STILL INSIDE brb . . . shit what? did ya break it? well i couldn't open the drive so i had to pound it against a rock :o quite HARD and you know what? that fucking disk wasnt even there ??? i got so mad i threw the remaiders of the drive on to the freeway and when i got back upstairs i foud the disk inside my bag lol I NEVER EVEN PUT IT IN THE DRIVE i'm actually cryin right now . . . wonder if i could make that drive work again brb % ..................................................................... .................................. where's pacman when you need him? % Some dude tried to break in last night at like 2am, but I was on the comp and it's like right beside the window so I heard the faggot. Anyways, I grabbed the folding chair and as soon as he was like halfway through I beat the fucking shit out of him. So he's laying here unconscious and I call the cops. Once they get here, they search him and look at what he fucking had: 8 track tape (unlabeled), Flashlight (no batteries), Half eaten box of Fig Newtons, Measuring tape, Instructions to "Monopoly." Dude, you fucking killed McGuyver! % lmao there's a wicked lookign spider on my monitor and if i move the mouse around he chases after it haha mendo take a screen shot wait that made no sense % there's a small fire burning in my room lemme guess im supposed to act suprised that you're telling us and not making any attempt to extinguish it, so i can submit it to bash where it will join the ranks of the other "SOMETHING CATOSTROPHIC HAPPENED SO I CAME TO TELL YOU GUYS ON IRC FIRST INSTEAD OF ATTEMPTING TO DEFUSE THE HOSTILE SITUATION" quotes that are grossly abundant, similar, and overrated. and despite a new one is submitted each week and only the location of the fire is altered, loyal viewers firmly believe it is a unique and hilarious quotation, pledging support in the form of unneccesary votes % random girl: hey! me: ...hi? me: who is this? random girl: Jessica, I saw u on myspace random girl: ur hot me: thanks random girl: np me: this girl keeps bugging me, but I don't want to talk to her me: what should I do? random girl: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing me: oh alright me: I have to go me: my mom is kicking me off me: bye % <@Terror> "It's easy to forget what a sin is in the middle of a battlefield." <@cky> opposite over hypotenuse <@cky> dipshit % This linguistics professor was lecturing the class. "In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative." "However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." Immediately, a voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah..... right...." % i beat the internet the end guy is hard % a sprite is anything not static a sprite is a variable object be it 2d or 3d a sprite is a fucking soda you god damn geekass bastards % The first time hypr opened a box of Cheerios and looked inside he yelled, "OH WOW! DONUT SEEDS!" wtf are donut seeds % *** Quits: TITANIC (Excess Flood) % -[Conroy_Bumpus]- OH FUCK ME -[Conroy_Bumpus]- I FORGOT TO PICK UP MY 7 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER FROM SOCCER PRACTICE -[Conroy_Bumpus]- 9 HOURS AGO -[Conroy_Bumpus]- HOLY SHIT -[Conroy_Bumpus]- BYE % Real life should have a fucking search function, or something. I need my socks. % Jakefeb3: do you know a turtles only weakness? AvatarOfSolusek: no AvatarOfSolusek: well AvatarOfSolusek: thier slowness Jakefeb3: there weakness is they cant roll over when they are on their backs AvatarOfSolusek: lol Jakefeb3: now i have a plan Jakefeb3: if i duck tape 2 turtles together they are unstoppable % * Spoon casts Wall of Silence *** Spoon sets mode: +m why? Because exo went insane no, he just brought his insanity up to another level * Sentinel checks.. *** Sentinel sets mode: -m THERE'S BUTTER ON MY FACE! *** Sentinel sets mode: +m % Curt teh Juggler: our graduation ceremony was today, and right when some gamer nerd got his diploma, someone in the audience played the zelda "get item" music and he did the zelda spin-hold-out-item stance Curt teh Juggler: it was quite possibly the most amazing thing ever. % I do not know where family doctors acquired illegibly perplexing handwriting; nevertheless, extraordinary pharmaceutical intellectuality, counterbalancing indecipherability, transcendentalizes intercommunications' incomprehensibleness. woah *blinks* % SergioThree: there's other fish in the sea, man, she's just a girl Beatsfromkorea: no dude, that's bullshit. Beatsfromkorea: Think of it this way. if your precious copy of street fighter third strike broke and i told you "it's ok man, there's other games in the sea. here, play mortal kombat instead" what would you say? you'd be like, "fuck that, gimme third strike." SergioThree: ... SergioThree: you just reached me on a level that i never thought possible % I have passed the transitional stage of internet geekhood I was cashiering at work today, and was punching in the code for plums, which is 4040. and the 0 key doesn't work this well, so I punched it in wrong. and the machine flashed up "Item Not Found: 404" and I actually laughed out loud % so, at this college there was an extra credit question "Is hell endothermic or exothermic" this is what one kid wrote: First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since, there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose (i.e.,Hell is exothermic). Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over (i.e.,Hell is endothermic). So which is it? If we accept the postulate given by Ms.Therese Banyan during my freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in hell before I go out with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having a relationship with her, the second case cannot be true. Therefore, hell is exothermic. the kid was the only one who got credit % i like stalked this girl sorta :D like once she asked me for a ride home from work and i took her home... i dropped her off at her house and shes like... wait a minute..how did you know where i lived? % Complaint : BOUGTH IT FOR MY COUSIN WHO HAD CANCER, ITEM NEVER ARRIVED AND MY COUSIN DIED thats the greatest ebay feedback i have ever seen % Well, it rained today, but as a whole it's been warmer than it was last week. Why does it seem like every time you join this channel, you end up talking about the weather? Is your life so unimaginably dull that you can't think of any events in your life to describe that might be more interesting than the weather? Let's think of something for you to talk about other than the weather. I mean, we barely even know anything about you, other than where you live. Let's start there. What do you do for a living? I'm a meteorologist. % I found a note in one of my old word .docs that said Note to self: Get revenge on Valvados. Except I couldn't remember what I was supposed to get revenge for. But I trusted my own judgment, so I went with it. ... o.o hmm i dunno what you were supposed to get revenge for, either I can only assume you got what was coming to you. Not 100 percent sure, though. well, whatever i did, i guess i deserved it Let that possibly be a lesson to you. % last night, tony and I decided to stop off on the way to the party to get some beer we come out of the shop a few minutes later and there's a parking guy writing a ticket tony goes up to him and asks him what the ticket's for, parking guy explains that the car is parked in a no standing zone tony starts abusing him and tells him to cram it up his ass, so the guy writes a ticket for abusing him haha so tony gets up him even more, and every time he says something the guy writes another ticket 14 tickets later, the guy gives up and walks off ... and we both PISS ourselves laughing as we walk back to tony's car around the corner, leaving some poor bastard with 14 parking fines :D AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ROFL!! % somebody keeps jiggling the doorknob on my front door, then running away i don't know if i should call the police, or hook up some electricity to the doorknob why don't you put ice on the stairs and heat up the door knob and swing paint buckets down from your two story foyer then a few years later, fade from the public eye..... %