A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car. -- Carrie Snow % A male mathematician is someone who can count to twenty-one without unzipping his fly. % A man who cannot seduce men cannot save them either. -- Soren Kierkegaard % A man without a woman is like a fish without gills. % A woman's a woman until the day she dies, but a man's only a man as long as he can. -- Moms Mabley % Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade, since it consists principally of dealings with men. -- Conrad % Does he treat your breasts like unripe grapefruit? Who needs him? -- `J', "The Sensuous Woman" % Don't accept rides from strange men -- and remember that all men are strange as hell. -- Robin Morgan, "Sisterhood Is Powerful" % If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament. % If men couldn't fuck there'd be a bounty on their heads. % If they sent one man to the moon, why can't they send them all? % If you catch a man, throw him back. -- Woman's Liberation Slogan, c. 1975 % Lysistrata had a good idea. % Men -- can't live with 'em, can't leave 'em by the curb when you're done. % Men will fuck mud. -- Lenny Bruce % Most men would never get laid if it weren't for the pity fuck. % The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband. % The sex life of spiders is very interesting. He fucks her. She bites his head off. -- From a Women's Lib Poster % There are three women on the fast track in a particular company. The president realizes it's time to promote one of them, but they're all so competent that he's not sure which one to choose. So he devises a little test. One day while they're all at lunch, he places $500 on each of their desks. #1 returns it to him immediately. #2 pockets it. #3 invests in the market and returns $1,500 to him in the morning. Who gets the promotion? The one with the big tits! % Upon leaving a hotel bar one evening, an executive noticed a drunk sitting on the edge of a potted palm in the lobby, crying like a baby. Because he'd had a couple himself that night, and was feeling rather sorry for his fellow man, he asked the inebriated one what the trouble was. "I did a terrible thing tonight," sniffled the drunk. "I sold my wife to a guy for a bottle of Scotch." "That is terrible," said the man, too much under the weather to muster any real indignation. "And now that she's gone, you wish you had her back." "Thas right," said the drunk, still sniffling. "You're sorry you sold her, because you realize too late that you love her," sympathized the executive. "No, no," said the drunk. "I wish I had her back because I'm thirsty again." % War is menstruation envy. % When God created man, She was only testing. % You know the Norplant thing? It's a new birth control device for women. It's a cartridge, that goes in your arm. Well, they're coming out with a new one for men: it's a brain, that goes in your head. %