:define reason
    0.1 "Mercury is in retrograde. "
    0.2 "The stars are full of mysteries. "
    0.1 "The bones never lie. "
    0.1 "Jupiter is ascending. "
    0.1 "A strange man has come into your life. "
    0.1 "Odd. "
    0.1 "Tea leaves are always difficult to read. "
    0.2 "Strange things happen. "
:define person
    0.23 "A close friend will "
    0.4 "You will "
    0.1 "A family member will "
    0.16 "A mysterious stranger will "
    0.04 "The president of a small island will "
    0.07 "A fairly large spider will "
:define goodfortune
    0.04 person "make rain on the planet Mars."
    0.2 person "have good things coming."
    0.3 "Nice things will happen today."
    0.06 person "become the president of a small island."
    0.2 person "get an unexpected gift."
    0.1 person "eat tasty spaghetti." 
    0.1 person "find the love of your life."
:define badfortune
    0.13 person "hurt your toe."
    0.14 person "watch a TV show that isnt even that good."
    0.2 person "get heckin angry for no reason"
    0.13 person "steal a wallet but itll be EMPTY."
    0.05 person "will watch a cat do unspeakable things."
    0.1 person "commit treason."
    0.25 "Just avoid ladders in general."
:define gnomic
    0.2 "Watch out for large bodies of water."
    0.1 "Harrison Ford might be single so theres still hope??"
    0.1 "Do or do not, there is no try"
    0.35 "The stars are shrouded in mystery."
    0.05 "The US President is on camera watching Russian women pee on each other. "
    0.2 "At least you arent in a coma yet. "
:return
    0.4 reason badfortune
    0.44 reason goodfortune
    0.16 gnomic